Jeff

A reflection of love & appreciation.

Jeff Rosinski

8/9/80-7/16/10

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things."

-Matthew 12:35

I don't have any pictures with Jeff. No special handwritten notes or words of advice. I don't have stories of a friendship that grew stronger over the trials of this life. Despite the lack of these things I do have memories that will last a lifetime.

Before I knew Jesus, I knew Jeff. As I hear of Jesus’ love and compassion towards others I can’t help but think I once knew a man just like this. Jeff was compassionate and kind. He cared about matters of the heart. I am even willing to go as far as to say that he could see past the façade of a happy face. He asked questions that went below the surface of 'How are you?' and genuinely wanted to hear the answer. He listened and he cared. The image of Christ reflected in his life through and through.

That being said, I wish I had a funny or a sweet video to capture truly just how wonderful he was. So that you could see how a person that you meet for just a short time could have such an impact on your life. My words fall so significantly short. I'm at a loss of how to portray this guy who made such a difference in my life just by knowing him. There is not a day I don't think about Jeff, there's not a day I don't think about or pray for his family. They encompassed so much of what the bible tells us to be. Sweet loving people, so welcoming, and so accepting.

Jeff’s family welcomed me into their home, their heart and their church. I always carried self-reservations that I wish I didn't. I felt like I stood out as a foreigner, never really fitting into this church that I loved so much. But they didn’t see me like I saw myself, they saw me like Jesus does.

I may never get to hug his family again or tell them how strong I think they are. To tell them I am amazed how they continued to live for Jeff's honor and God's glory. How incredible their inspiration was in a season of hurt. I may not get to say thank you for the years of support and encouragement. But I can live with these things in my heart. I can keep the memories of a man we could all benefit from knowing. A person who was perfected in his goodness through his loving family.

Jesus gave us three commandments. Love God above all. Love your neighbor as yourself. Share the gospel to the ends of the earth. There is no doubt that Jeff accomplished these commandments and more. It is my privilege to attempt to do the same having known a man and a family who could be these things as my living example. These commands aren't just words written in the greatest book ever that no one can ever achieve. These are real life actions lived by one of the most sincere family's I have ever met.

I will never forget the moment we found out. That sleepless, confusing night. The desire for answers, the prayers that maybe we misunderstood. I will never forget the emptiness I felt in the days after. If someone as good as Jeff could be taken from us then why was (am) I here? I still struggle. Surely he was much more of a man of God than I am. Why would God bring home one of his great disciples and leave lost souls like me. My heart will never stop breaking for the significant loss. The family he left behind. I can only come as far as to guess that he was brought home because he understood the gospel. If I were to have been removed from this world at that point I can't say that I would have been saved.

Recently, I've been poking through a book 'If God is Good' by Randy Alcorn. In here he quotes a letter from a family who had gone through a huge loss. "We are part of the body of Christ and it is through this body that he ministers to us in our darkest days."

I cannot deny the trueness of this statement. As a church I had never felt closer. Never felt more of a need to be there then in those days and months that followed. I believe as the body of Christ, God ministered to each soul individually in that little town church.

I remember Jeff's dad, Pastor Bob, saying in a subsequent service that he no longer wanted to be here, in his selfishness he wanted to be with Jeff and Jesus. But he knew he needed to be here now.

I can't help but think of Paul's letter to the Philippians.

"'I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith." - Philippians 1:23-25

Perhaps Pastor Bob's words resonated with me at the time because I understood that feeling of wanting to end the pain. To be in a better place. I had lived through my own personal pain, suffering and loss. I managed that. I could put reasons behind those times. But this was different. I didn't have an answer or an excuse to fall back on. Yet today, I still hear his words and I know it was for a greater purpose. That's what I learned. That's how the Rosinski's live. That there is still purpose. That it's more necessary to be here right now.

There's so much to learn and understand from this suffering. But I don't want to lose sight of how good of a friend Jeff was. Encouraging, loving, welcoming, kind-hearted, sympathetic, out-reaching, gracious. I didn't have the opportunity to know him long enough to experience all his traits first hand. But it was always easy to see in the way he interacted with his family and friends that he encompassed this and more.

We could benefit from being more like Jeff. We could all serve to be better than we already think we are.

I pray that Jeff's children will hear an abundance of stories of how amazing their dad was. One of my favorite memories was the day we went out for dinner and ice cream. Jeff had asked me how I was doing. The standard answer is 'good'. But he asked again, wanting to know more than just the standard sugar coated answer. He didn't want to hear that. He wanted to hear what was happening deeper in the emotions that so many people don't want to look at. While talking to me he still continued to play with his son. They were dunking gummy worms in a cup of ice water. Such a simple memory but I can't forget it. The way he could carry on a heartfelt conversation while never letting his son play alone, it was remarkable. I knew in that instant this was a special moment I always would want to remember.

There's so many words and feelings I want to explain. But it's really simple. It's about appreciating life and appreciating others despite the bad days and seasons of struggle. It's about removing bitterness and jealousy and putting on acceptance and kindness. It's meeting a friend for coffee when all you want to do is go home and put sweatpants on. It's extending grace to others because we are so thankful when they do it for us. It's for being better than our natural self. It's intentionally making an effort. It's not a normal way of life. For most it won't come natural.

But our goodness can inspire others to be better. And if this is just a cycle of being better than ourselves then maybe we are not as lost of a generation as we claim to be. Maybe there is hope that one person can change many for the better.

"Shalom is the act of life lifting up and becoming an act of worship and celebration, a sacrament, an offering... It’s living with purpose and sacrifice and intention, willing to be held to the highest, narrowest possible standard of goodness, and in the same breath, finding goodness where most people see nothing but dirt." - Shauna Niequist, 'Cold Tangerines'. 

Can we do that? Can we seek the ultimate peace while living a purposeful life full of intentions. Can we expect people to put us on a pedestal of goodness and know we will come through for them? Not because of our own strength but because of the power of the Holy Spirit in us? I pray that we will seek Jeff's real passion for life and love. That we could strive to live life to the fullest. With no room for cream. That one person could change the hearts of everyone they meet.

Jeff is one of a few people I've lost in this past decade. He by far made the most impact in a short amount of time. A huge part of why I don't like to say goodbye without telling someone I love them, wishing them well or letting them know they'll be in my thoughts. It's part of why it's hard to accept broken hearts. It’s why I don’t like to fight or to stay mad. It’s why I fervently seek the goodness in this world.

Be this person that makes a difference in someone else's life.

Because Jeff reflected the light of Jesus, he had a light that cannot be forgotten or diminished over time. So even though he is not with us anymore we can still recognize him in the light which reflects in those he left behind. He is in a kind word or gesture. A smiling face or a shared quiet moment with a friend. He's in the holding of a door for a stranger.

In a lot of ways, I have no right to even write this. But I pray that what is on my heart can make a difference in somebody’s world. I beg you to let this inspire you to be a better person, to love more, to seek to do good for others. I hope it also encourages you to let others know that they make a difference in your life.

Realize that our time here on this earth is precious and short lived. But it doesn't have to be in vain. Let's be the good we want to see in the world. Let's be more like Jeff on our pursuit to be more like Christ. Let's thank God for our friends who are already so much better than we are and let's make sure they know how much we care about them.

"Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand."

- Philippians 4:5

Love,
S

Image Credit: Pinterest

#100HappyDays & More

This morning I deactivated my Facebook again and deleted my twitter app. It's just too hard. It's not worth it. Does anyone even really care? I was ready to stop blogging. Just fall off the grid again. Maybe after all this time I still wasn't ready. Maybe I pushed myself too fast.

Yet something happened throughout the day today.

I kept digging in. Kept searching for God. Kept looking for affirmation that things will be okay.

And you know what?

I didn't really get an answer.

Why?

I believe it's because I already know. I already know that He holds my life in His hands. That He has chosen me to be His beloved. I truly believe His promises. Call me crazy, because sometimes I feel that way, but I just believe.

It's as simple as that.

In fact, it's harder for me to not believe than it is to believe.

Perhaps that's been part of my struggle. The fine line between belief and unbelief. Because I can't deny the changes I have felt. They may not be apparent to the outside world but I know that it's happening.

Let me give an example or two.

If you knew me in real life [not that these interwebs aren't real...but ya know], you might know that I have a terrible social anxiety. Even going to places with people I know often causes me to get worked up, sick to my stomach and end up in tears. So speaking to people I don't know rarely happens.

Saturday night I went out with a friend to Newport, RI. It's was a gorgeous perfect night for it. A woman ended up coming over and we ended up chatting for a little while. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's HUGE. I tend to be the girl who listens in a group of unknown people, not the one who speaks up. Yet, I didn't even think about it, it just happened.

Last night, I needed to go to the beach. Something I just had been needing to do.

The beach was extremely windy, which made it sort of brutal. But I didn't mind too much. I put down my towel, sat down and just took it all in. The greatness. The goodness. I reminded myself of the Psalms which I've been spending some time in.

"How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand - When I awake, I am still with you." -Psalm 139:17-18

God always has us in His thoughts. We may not always be thinking of Him, but He is always thinking of us. Even when I'm doing nothing. Even when I'm sleeping, I can awake and know I'm still on God's mind. Not that He thought of me again, no, he never stopped, "I am still with you." 

I had a gentlemen come up to me and offer me his chair so I didn't have to sit on the ground getting pelted by sand. I politely declined and wondered if there was more meaning to this. I wasn't sure. I thought maybe because I have felt so alone that it was God's way of saying He sees me even when I am alone. Even if the people I expect to respond and help, don't, He can send strangers to remind me that I am seen.

On my way out I waved and thanked him again, at which point he began talking to me. So I went over and we chatted about surfing and yoga and the beach and work and Hawaii. Really, a bit of everything. What was so odd is my openness to talk to this complete stranger, a man furthermore.

These open conversations may be simple and silly to some. Even ordinary. But for me I recognize this as a huge success in where I've come from. I think this is part of Him giving me a new heart and working to make me into the person He intends me to be. I do enjoy being social and most times once I have arrived at my destination and given it about a half hour, I find that it's not as scary as I anticipated.

I still have a long way to go, but I know He's working on me. I've said yes to meeting up with new friends lately. Friends who are Christians. It's something special. To know I can open up and share my heart and these ladies will pray for me and check in on me when we haven't chatted in a while, it's just nice. But I know getting over that uneasiness was part of the reason I was able to speak to total strangers this weekend.

So you're probably wondering why, if I have realized this, would I be willing to turn it all off socially again? (If you knew me before this blog, I had about 4 months before I could even look at the internet).

I have some really ugly things happening in my family. Things I don't feel quite ready to share with most people yet. But it's caused me to become really sad.

I've had such faith and belief that God would come through for me and instead it feels like He's taking more and more people away. This is my third time this year that I feel someone I love was taken away in some cruel way that changes our dynamics. It's absolutely heartbreaking. Since I'm still working on being okay with the very first take away, it's hard to now be dealing with another one.

I reached out to the one person who I believe knows me better than anyone else. The person I have trusted with my heart, my fears, my hopes, everything. In return I received a note that we can be blessed and not necessarily be happy.

It kind of stung. A lot. I was angry. Sad. Hurt. Rejected.

I have tried so hard to be happy. I have tried to focus on the positive and to make sure that I left Sarcastic Sheri in the past. She was really starting to become super negative. (I do let her make an occasional appearance once in a while though, she was really witty).

My new goal was Sheri Sincerity. This was my "word" of 2014. Sincerity. To appreciate life and others and to show it. Because at the core of my being, I really am these things. The years of hurt had caused this awful scar tissue to form around my heart that apparently wasn't letting the good out anymore. I'm sure it was also keeping the good from coming in.

So for someone to suggest that I was not realizing I was blessed really bothered me. I KNOW I am blessed. I am so grateful for the things I do have. God took away major parts of my family and gave me an additional family. I don't deserve that. I didn't do anything to earn it. But that's not how God's blessings work. We can't work to receive our blessings. He blesses us because He loves us and that's it. This is not a works based faith.

My natural instinct was to run and hide and wait until I was ready to face the world again. Wouldn't Satan love that? If I just stopped blogging, tweeting, instagraming my faith and my desire for truth.

You can't see God's glory if I deactivate all my accounts and spend the next 3 months in hiding. I'm sure eventually you would see it. But why delay til then what is happening now? I know I can be an emotional rollercoaster. I didn't say following this blog was going to be peaches and lemonade. I promised to be honest and open.

Something that has really been on my mind is the #100HappyDays project. 

Tonight, I decided, maybe I'm not showing outright the things I am thankful for. I mean, I feel like I am, but maybe not enough. Because God is a blessing machine. I have heard incredible stories of how this project has helped people gain a new perspective on happiness, so what does it hurt?

I have to be real, I am incredibly afraid that I might not have something to post. It's part of the reason it's been on my mind and not on my Instagram. I am nervous that I'll miss a day. But I will never know until I challenge myself. Maybe you will join with me?

As a completely unrelated sidenote, the developer for this project, his parents live in Latvia. Since my mother's family is from Latvia and my great grandmother only spoke Latvian, I am extra encouraged and excited to add to this happiness phenomenon. That might sell a whole .005% of you! Shout out to my friends in Latvia! 

I will be posting to Instagram - so please follow me there! I hope to share some of the special moments here on my blog as well. If you are participating on Instagram or Twitter share your username below in the comments and I'll follow you back! Let's encourage each other!

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." - Psalm 51:10

Love,
S

Arise, Shine

Arise, shine;

For your light has come!

And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.

For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth,

And deep darkness the people;

But the Lord will arise over you,

And His glory will be seen upon you.

The Gentiles shall come to your light,

and kings to the brightness of your rising.

-Isaiah 60:1-3

I received this message a few days ago and it really encouraged me. The first two lines especially caught my attention but the scripture that follows really ties it all together. 

One of my favorite shows to watch with my mom was Xena: Warrior Princess. We especially loved Gabrielle who was her witty and sarcastic sidekick. I still remember a quote from this show that gave us the giggles and that we would repeat on many occasions.

"I'll rise but I refuse to shine."

Haven't we all had days like this? Where it seems the world is way too perky, too awake and too ready to take on the day when we haven't even had our first sip of coffee yet?

So naturally, this verse caught my attention. I've noticed a lot of sparkle hanging around lately. It's been in devotionals and shining on my walls in the morning as the sun is sneaking in the pesky gap between my blinds and my window. At first I thought it was such an odd statement to be in my bible and to be catching my eye with this commandment to sparkle. 

Yet, it fits so perfectly where I am in my life right now. Completely trusting God. Not making another move until He opens my door for me. Not frantically crying to Him that it 'feels' like my life has fallen apart and it's yet to put itself back together. I am in a season of waiting and I know that I need to embrace it because this time with God alone is precious. 

I wanted to share with you the pep talk I gave myself when I came across this verse. I truly believe writing down God's words and just a few quick thoughts open up a world of deeper meanings and understanding. This totally opened itself up to one of my favorite moments so far.

arise and shine

get up and brush the dust off.
like a diamond hidden in the dirt, dust it off and watch it shine.
dust off the hurt, pain, negativity.

brush off the people who say it can't be done, it's impossible, it won't happen.
brush off the fear, the unknown, the past failures.

arise. stand up tall.
be confident in the lord.
be sure of his plans for you.
claim his promises and refuse to believe that ANYTHING could stop his sovereign will.

you are chosen. you are here for a reason.

sparkle, shine...

So, while I will keep our Gabrielle comment as something to give me the giggles when I need it on my grumpy 'we can't talk about this until I have coffee first' mornings, I am going to instead focus on shining. For my light has come. It is here, He is here. He is the light. He is the way and He makes beauty from ashes. Diamonds from rock.

For me, personally, I don't believe arise means I need to get up and go. It simply means, get up. Pick my head up, dust off my hurt feelings, and shine instead. Be the best version of myself that I can be while I am standing right where I am at. I don't have to move from where I am at, I don't have to receive another blessing ever again, and I can still get up and be the light that let's others see that this life is beautiful. No matter what the situation is. No matter how it feels. No matter if I still hurt. Arise and shine.

Plus, what girl doesn't love a little sparkle and shine?

Love,
S

PS - As a sidenote to think about, in the above pictures I took, the dark purple ball and the light pink one on the side are actually exactly the same color. (Dark purple). When I took the photos I didn't remember having two different colors so I had to double check my glass bowl! Amazing what a little bit of God's light can do for us. 

An Anniversary Celebration!

"Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself." 

- Anonymous 

June 26, 1998 - 16 years ago I attended my first ever Hanson concert. It was the first, but it was not the last.

You might as well know that I kind of have an undying love for this band of brothers from the 90's.

I can't believe that night was 16 years ago. Wow, how life has changed so much since then. In so many ways, I have been so blessed because of this band.

Having a love for music runs in my blood. I can't play an instrument or carry a tune but I feel music so passionately. This band has been the first of many that has ignited my heart and given me hope and inspiration. As well as something to jam out to in my car and impromptu dance parties in friend's garages.

When I fell in love with Hanson I had no idea the doors it would open. Their first CD "Middle of Nowhere" was constantly on repeat. I loved the quote I found tonight as I was writing this, "Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere you find yourself." My friend and I recently chuckled about God's plan. It's so funny. You see, I met her when I was a Hanson fan, some 15 years ago. That's half my life! So half my life ago I met this amazing girl and we were friends because we loved Hanson together. 

Recently, I felt called by God to reach out to someone to grow in my faith and networking of Christian friends. I thought of my friend, whom I hadn't talked to in a while and whom I haven't seen in forever. We got together to talk about God and life. We realized He has had this planned this whole time. 

I have pictures with Hanson but I have so many more pictures of the memories I've made because of them. Pictures of friends that have that connected with each other because of Hanson and stayed together because we realized that we are just awesome. True story.

It's more than just friends though. 

It paved the path for me to want more for my life. 

If you look at my family's history, I don't have much inspiration. College, full time career? Just graduating high school was a first.

Yet, because of Hanson I became very connected with a few awesome radio DJs. Like, really good friends. We would talk all the time on the phone, they called my mom, "Mom". Amazing. I wanted to be just like them. Even though I was still in high school, this became my dream job. It encouraged me to further my education. 

Though I am obviously not a radio DJ today, I did graduate college. I have a full time job. I bought a brand new car that I just paid off today! (Woohoo! This date is amazing! ;)) So. Many. Things. This love grew my desire to network on social media. Hi, my name is Sheri and I used to have an E-Newsletter titled "Hansonitis". Yup.

Things I never thought were possible. Dreams I would have never realized if this band didn't open my heart to do more with my life.

One of my all time favorite songs was more like a prayer for me. I realize today that as I sang along God knew this was a true desire in my heart. One He has definitely begun to fulfill.

I'm looking for a song to sing,

Looking for a friend to borrow.

I'm looking for my radio,

So that I might find a heart to follow.

-A Song to Sing

I'm not going to lie. I still get giddy at their concerts. And yes, I still go. 

In fact, I went to a concert this summer and it was the best concert of theirs I have ever been at to date. Old songs, new songs. Old memories, new memories. I jumped up and down singing the whole time and felt the 15 years I had aged in my shortness of breath!

That night I felt so connected to a higher power. Literally, everything worked out perfectly. Because, Hanson fans are still crazy, they still wait HOURS...DAYS...in line for GA. We skipped the crazy party that day (only because we didn't have another choice - otherwise you bet I would have been there). We still had an amazing spot. In fact, one of the best I've had. It was amazing.

My mom had been heavy on my heart and mind that day. She loved this stuff. She encouraged my crazy and laughed along with me. During the concert they played a song they hardly ever play. It's from their first album I owned. It's called "With You in Your Dreams" and they wrote it about their grandmother who had passed away. I felt like this was a sign that my mother is still with me even if I can't see her. I even asked her if she would be so kind as to let us meet Hanson after the show.

And we did! It wasn't the first time for me but it was something I really hoped would happen again!

Listening to their music always makes me feel free. Makes me feel alive. Everyone has a place they feel home. When I hear this music it always takes me back to a time when life felt so carefree even though it wasn't. A place of peace, happiness, and joy. Even if it's just for 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

So today, on the anniversary of my first Hanson concert, I wanted to share.

To show that life can change so much. But God is orchestrating it all. The people I have met, the memories I've made, the friendships I've had. It's all been such a blessing and it's one that I am still reaping the benefits from. 

I would have never thought that God would take something like a small band of brothers from Tulsa, OK to change a girls heart and life in Lil' Rhode Island, but He did.

He always meets us in the most unexpected places. Where has He met you?

Love,
S

Broken angel you've got to learn to fly

Get up and earn your wings tonight...

-Hanson, Broken Angel

Just Wait

Just a brief little observation today, friends.

Lately I've been challenged by God to wait on Him. While there are obvious parts of my life I have applied this to, He's also surprised me with parts I didn't expect.

I'm beginning to learn how exciting it can be to wait on God. The bible says to ask, expecting that you will receive an answer. To wait and worry at the same time can be considered signs of a double minded person. You either trust that God is going to come through or you don't. If you trust, expect an answer.

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. - James 1:6-7

So we ask and believe we'll receive a response. God will answer. Don't believe me, start journaling. Write down the things you pray to God and go back and see how He has answered. If you're like me, you'll find sometimes you received answers and didn't even remember it had been a prayer request at all.

Doing this has really grown my faith. It's easy to "think" God hasn't responded. But when it's here, in your own writing, your request....and you sit here months later looking back at the things you asked, you can't deny the spots where He has answered.

But wait, there's more... (I crack myself up, does anyone else laugh at these cheese ball puns?!)

Not waiting for God robs Him of the opportunity to surprise you.

This is what I realized today. I couldn't help but marvel at how God would take something I've really struggled with and show me how it can apply to something simple and light hearted as well. If I expect God will come through for me and believe it no matter what, then there's no reason for me to move before He does.

I'm not denying that there are times you need to move. I believe God will make sure you are aware of it, too. I'm specifically talking about waiting. In every aspect of the word. Maybe it's waiting for a duration of time, waiting for an answer, waiting for a breakthrough. Since I have felt challenged to wait, He came through and showed me today how I can and should be able to apply that in everyday instances as well.

To wait expectantly on God ignites a sense of curiosity. It removes the need to be in control. I reached out to someone today who said they were actually going to reach out to me today as well. I just beat them to it. Had I been patient and waited, I would have been pleasantly surprised. God knows I doubt if people really think of me or if it's simply because I've jumped the gun and reached out to them first.

When you think about it, wouldn't it be exciting to just wait for God to orchestrate things? I know He's the professional, I'm just a clumsy stagehand. I want to see Him at work. I want to look at this beautiful production of life and know that it wasn't because I tried to make things work myself. Instead, it's because God is amazing at what He does.

I love surprises. I love knowing that someone took the time to put something together specifically with me in mind. Waiting on God let's Him surprise me. I'm not peeking under the gift wrap or shaking the box. I never liked trying to guess my gifts. I don't want to know. So why should life be any different? This life is a gift.

I know I have a tendency to be impatient. If things seem to be taking too long, I try to speed it up. If someone isn't getting back to me right away, I contact them again. If God "isn't doing anything", then I do something.

What I learned today is such a blessing. There's so much talk about the Lord doing work through you. Yet perhaps, when the Lord is telling you to be still and wait, it's because He wants to do something for you.

Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you;
And therefore He will be exalted - Isaiah 30:18

In order for God to receive glory, we need to stop moving ahead of Him.
Just be still and wait on the Lord.

Love,
S

Restoration Project - I Am Loved

With this title I could talk for days. The ways God has shown me that I am loved is countless. I just can't measure it. It's in the little things. It's in the big things. But I wanted to share specifically what God had drawn me to about a month ago.

Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress....

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy.

They rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest....

The zeal of the Lord almighty will accomplish this. - Isaiah 9

If you were to hang around me long enough you would discover that I get really excited about "researching." It could be what is the absolute best new place we need to try for dinner or where to take a weekend trip and most recently finding the deeper meaning in scripture.

I came across this scripture on the same day I prayed for Peace to Resistance and also the day I further applied my life to sowing seed to bear fruit (which may be a post in the future... there's so much there I'm still unearthing it all... hehe, did you see what I did there?) I digress. This is important because this scripture says that I am going to rejoice before my God as people rejoice when harvest has come around.

I don't know a lot about farming. I know I love my local farmer. I love farmers markets. I love fresh produce. Especially tomatoes and garlic and basil... I know that harvest can also be applied to the time to pick grapes for wine and delicious grape jelly. I have been blessed to be able to do this with friends. Let me tell you, it was so much fun. I may have climbed a wall and scaled a tree to get a cluster of grapes. I might have got a little excited. The point is, I know harvest time is exciting. It is when you get to see the seeds you've planted bear fruit. It is a happy time.

God is promising here that the people who were in distress will be removed from their gloom and instead given something to rejoice about. How? The zeal of the Lord almighty will accomplish this. 

So then I wondered, do I really know what zeal means? What is the definition?

Zeal is the fervor or tireless devotion for a person, cause, or ideal and determination in its furtherance; diligent enthusiasm; powerful interest. Synonyms are intensity and passion. 

Sounds like the God I've been coming to know.

I found a definition from a catholic dictionary, "The vehement movement of one who loves to secure the object of his love. In it's religious sense it is applied solely to the zeal inspired by the love of God, to the ardent endeavors and works under taken to promote His glory."

I looked up the word vehement. I'll be honest, I didn't know the definition of this one whatsoever.

Vehement: Forceful energy, powerful, intensely emotional. Deeply felt. Forcibly expressed. Passionate.

See any familiar words? How about powerful and passionate.

This is our God. God's love for me and you is passionate, "a tireless devotion." I believe the definition from the catholic dictionary was referring more to the actions of His followers. But we have to remember that we love because He first loved us. God is love. So if we are actively pursuing others into this relationship with Christ it's because He inspired us to. We are mimicking the character of our Lord. I know He moves to secure us, the object of His love.

I just love hearing about God's intense love. (That's a lot of love!) I enjoy it so much I forget that there's promise for reaping here. That harvest is coming. My prayers and actions I've been planting are going to sprout of some glorious blessings. Not because of the work that I've done, but because of God's powerful love for me.

During this love fest I came across this scripture. (I told you, God was talking to me, it was all I could do to take notes fast and accurately).

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. - 2 Corinthians 9:10

I think this is amazing. Simply because of his vehement love for us! He gives more than I can even think to ask for. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. - Ephesians 3:20

Hopefully you are as excited as me. This is incredible. God loves us so much that anything we ask or pray for He will increase simply because He loves to bless us! Because He's passionately chasing after us trying to secure our love. A love that is secure does not go anywhere. Something that is secure holds strong even when it is shaken. He longs to strengthen us spiritually. He wants to see us succeed. He has a determination in our furtherance. So He blesses us abundantly more than we can dream so that we know that we are His and there's no where better. Even during the waiting season. Even when the rain isn't coming and it looks like there's not a chance this will be the year. Because of His generous blessings in the past we will have faith to hold on. We are secure.

Photo Credit: incourage.me

It just makes me smile so big. So truly blessed for His undeserving love. Even though I fail and even though I fail Him, He loves me with that same zeal that He loves me with when I get it right. None of us deserve it but He gives us all the same forgiveness and grace.

I am praying you see all the hope of promise here. No matter what your season may look like right now. If you are waiting, if the ground is parched and all seems impossible, remember who your God is. He is mightier than any and He is above all. He is promising you, right here, right now, that there is a season of blessings ahead. You are going to harvest far more than you prayerfully requested. He is going to amaze you. He loves you and He loves to bless you because of that crazy love. He is waiting until the perfect moment to sprout your harvest. Don't lose hope! A great light is coming.

Love,
S

Restoration Project - I Am Worthy [Peace to Resistance]

As I've mentioned throughout this blog, I am a giant work in progress. I came to God in a crumpled up mess. Broken pieces carried from years and years of pain. Crushed spirit from a recent relationship that did not work out at all how I anticipated it would. Messy, cluttered, broken, crushed.. you name it.

God has been compassionately picking up each piece of shattered me that was on the ground and has been putting them in place where He wants them. Recently I wrote about discovering that I am enough. Today I want to discuss about how He's been teaching me that I am worthy.

I suppose you could almost think these two go hand in hand. In a way they do. Since I didn't feel I was enough, I also felt like I wasn't worthy of a second chance. I didn't feel I deserved the good life I missed out on. These two thoughts were the major players in making me as broken as I was. It stemmed from years of pain that I pushed into the past that resurfaced when my hopes vanished in a fleeting moment that somehow seemed to stand still. Honestly, just talking about this pain has me feeling a little 'meh' right now. But trust me when I say, He's done an amazing restoration on me.

On Easter Sunday, I had A LOT on my mind. I prayed a ton and wrote in my journal even more. So grateful I did that because I am able to see where He has been diligently working to rebuild my life. On this day I felt prompted to pray for Peace to Resistance. I didn't even know what it meant and I admitted that to God while agreeing to pray anyway. So I prayed based on what I thought it meant. I didn't even know if it was peace 'to', 'from' or 'for'?! It didn't matter. I just prayed.

I prayed for healing in relationships with family and friends. I thought perhaps the resistance was a term referred to for letting go. A peace that comes from letting go of the urge to resist His plan and take matters into my own hands. I also prayed for the Lord to show me understanding. Because really, I had not a clue what this even meant, but it sure does sound nice, right? All I knew was, if God was prompting me to it then I needed it.

The next night it was still on my mind so I googled it. Let me say, not at all what I thought it meant! (Geez, my prayers must have gave Him a chuckle!)

What I found, thanks to Wikipedia, is that 'Peace to Resistance' refers to the best part or feature of something. "It can be thought of as the portion of a creation that 'resists' orthodox or common conventions and practices, thereby making the whole of the creation unique and special." 

I couldn't believe it. Here in front of my eyes God was speaking to me. He was whispering that I am worthy. I told you all how I cried feeling that I wasn't loved uniquely. This just spoke to me. Something that is a unique creation is certainly more valuable than a cookie-cutter mold, right? It's like God was telling me that I am a peace to resistance in His eyes. That His love for me is a unique and special creation because He created me to be unique and special.

The description goes on to say, "The phrase gives the sense that the referred to element is the most outstanding, notable, or defining of the collection." Most outstanding, notable ... the defining of the collection!? It just feels a little extreme. But I'm learning that's what God does. What's more noteworthy is the fact that I know He means it. Not because I am so sure of myself but because I am that sure of His love. This has nothing to do with me feeling this for my own courageous reasons (though, I wish I could say I did!) and everything to do with how He keeps showing me His love over and over.

As if that wasn't enough, it goes on to say, "The term is also used when someone is finishing something and calls the last piece to complete the build the pièce de résistance." How amazing. At this moment I truly believe He was telling me this is it. This is His work, He's the builder and He's going to give me that last piece that makes me worthy. I have prayed for Him to work in my life before moving into the next important phase of my life. I know this part is integral for my journey. This seals the deal and erases any questions. I am His and I am worthy of being loved not just by the Creator himself, but by others as well.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." - 2 Corinthians 4:7

A while back the pastor at church referred to the verse of the clay jars. He spoke about how the jars were cracked so that His light that is inside of us can shine outward for others to see.

That's how others can come to know Jesus. I loved that. That through my brokenness someone else can see Jesus. That's kind of the whole point. It's what I've spoke about here and here. That's what I've wanted out of all of this, if nothing else.

“Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.” - Ephesians 5:14

Then I heard another pastor speak of a Japanese art form and thought how beautifully it ties this all together. "When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." -Billie Mobaved. The name for this art is Kintsugi (Literally, the Art of Broken Pieces). Another translation says it is the 'Meaning of Mending'.

The process of Kintsugi welds broken pieces of ceramics back together with gold. Instead of throwing these once cherish possessions away, they are repaired with one of the worlds most precious metals. At first glance it's so bizarre - that they would fix the cracks not only with something so precious, but also something so visible. I don't know about you, but I don't like people to see all my cracks. I further more don't need others to see what's been repaired. (Although, perhaps that all went out the window the day I signed up for a blog). However, I adore that there is visible beauty in the broken with this art form.

Photo Credits: theflyingtortoise.blogspot.com

How can we not draw a correlation to God's work in our lives from Kintsugi? We all have a wound that we don't want to share, a part of us that we know is broken, but why would we ever want to broadcast that? God sees those broken pieces. He will work on us regardless of if we ask for His help or not. But when we do finally ask for His help, He repairs us with gold. He takes the broken pieces, puts us together and then puts us on display for His glory. God is the gold here. He is what holds us together and makes us beautiful and worthy.

What's also great is these restored pieces hold more value than the original version of itself. It's been said some people break pieces intentionally so they will be worth more. Now, I can't imagine wanting to be broken just so I can be repaired, but it is amazing how we can become more valuable once we've allowed Him to put us together. Piece by piece.

Another great thought is that no two cracks are the same, therefore all pieces are put together differently. "Thereby making the whole of the creation unique and special." I love that some ceramics have a lot of repairs and others have just a few that are deeper and require more gold in places. Just like us.

I loved how this blog described it. "As a philosophy Kintsugi can be seen to have similarities to the Japanese philosophy of Wabi-Sabi, an embracing of the flawed or imperfect. Perfection being seen as the result of imperfection. The damaged or flawed being honored as an essential in enhancing an object."

Perhaps why I was broken in the first place was so God could show me how wonderful it is to let Him fix me. So that I could see that this is what makes me beautiful. To embrace my brokenness. This restoration alone makes me worthy and it's this brokenness that increases my value. Truth is, we're all broken. Whether we admit it, talk to anyone about it, or just hide it, maybe even from ourselves. We each have something that needs God's mighty hands to fix. I think knowing how wonderful His results are will leave me more humble and graciously open to accepting His help. Admitting I can't piece these broken parts back together myself. Honestly, I couldn't even find where the pieces fit if I tried (Of course, I've tried). But He knows where it all goes because He is the one who made me. He completes me and makes me the unique and special creation He intended me to be. He puts me on display and thinks I'm beautiful. He believes I am worthy of more than sitting in the ashes of my broken pieces. He not only restores me but adds value to my life at the same time.

It's important to remember that this message is not only for me. This message is for anyone who needs to hear that you are worthy of God's love. I am just His clay vessel, here to deliver the glorious light of Jesus himself. I pray this revelation will also help you come know how loved and valuable you are in the eyes of our Savior.

Love,
S