Saturday, May 24, 2014

Restoration Project - I Am Enough

A friend sent me a text message today. One that I'm sure the devil meant to stop me in my tracks. I've already struggled this morning, feeling in a funk. I don't know why I get in these moods. Something about the weather being just right, the day opening up itself to plans just so, and the chatter of others that throws me off. Everyone's seamlessly easy joy against myself grasping at straws to count the blessings in any mundane thing.

I know this is part of the reason why He is working on my heart. One of the things that I NEED to learn is that I am enough. In the past I have allowed the discredit of myself to be what I believe. It felt right after all. A broken relationship here, turned down for a job offer there, missing invitations, friends who are too busy, others who forget I needed their help or just never offered... I mean, seriously, I could go on forever. It all just made me feel like I was the problem. I wasn't enough. 

I wasn't pretty enough. Smart enough. Nice enough. Religious enough. Caring enough. Skinny enough. Talented enough. Motivated enough. Funny enough. Generous enough.

Then it moves into other things. I don't have a lot of money. I don't have the perfect family. I don't have many good friends. My house is always a mess. I talk too much. I'm too sensitive. I'm not a great cook.

I have had very few people who have stood opposed to the claims I made against myself. When I was devastated and I spoke badly about myself and listed any of these above reasons as to why I was struggling, there weren't objections. Instead there were suggestions of things that I should do better or differently. A boss said something the other day that fits so perfectly here, "They are committing with their silence." If no one spoke up against me, I figured it must be true.

But that's not true of who we are. Whether other people agree or not, should not matter. God says we are enough. He wants us to know that - it's important that we do.

I never want to be overly confident. I think that's sometimes part of what holds me back. I despised the kids in school who were too cool. The people at work who snub their noses at me as they walk by as if it say they're better. There are spots in my life, I'm not sure I'll ever be confident. But when it comes to my core being, the person that I am deep down, I know that I am enough. No one is perfect. Every relationship will require work. Everybody goes through highs and lows and just because you are with someone in a low is not a reason to give up. I know these things now. I know I am worth fighting for, because I am enough. He has shown me over and over how I am pretty enough. Smart enough. Nice enough. Religious enough. Caring enough...etc... I know He'll continue to show me.

Beth Moore shared a quote she heard from a celebrity going through divorce. They said "I'm afraid I'm going to get to the end of my life and discover I really was not worth loving."

Oh man. This gets me every time I hear it. I can relate like crazy. But we need to remember, together, that we are enough. Beth Moore goes on to say, "What would it take to believe God's word?" That's all we need to do. Believe Him. If we receive Him into our hearts and believe that His word is true then we can be transformed into believing the truth that we are enough.

The text message I received from my friend was a picture of an ex's fiance and their new baby. The first guy who told me he didn't want a relationship. But not the last guy to have done it. Over and over I've heard the same lie. Over and over I believed that it's because I was lacking some awesome girlfriend quality that guys are looking for. Assuming it could be any or all of the inadequacies that I listed above. If I can't secure myself in who I am through Christ, then this could be devastating. It's only going to keep happening. I need to be able to prepare my old broken heart as well as the most recent. Though this text did catch me completely off guard, I am not going to let it take root with my emotions. I know it won't always be that easy. There's going to be things that I hear and see that will probably bring me to my knees, I can't even bare the thought of some of those things. But for now, I'll stay off Facebook and stay onto God.

In a recent twitter chat Sara answered a question from a fan who wanted advice on an aspiring music career. Her response was,
"Be yourself and believe it's enough."
This can be applied to all of us, no matter what we are trying to do. We don't need to change the person we are to fit into what others may be looking for. If someone or something warrants you changing your core being in a negative way then it's worth it to walk away, no matter how painful. We are all enough. We just have to believe it.

I told you all in a previous post that I love the book Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. This book is amazing for figuring out this journey of life, the highs and lows, and discovering who God is through it all. I very much recommend it, I've got the entire thing bookmarked with sweet little reminders so I can easily turn to them.
"Love is beautiful, but it is also terrible - terrible in it's determination to allow nothing blemished or unworthy to remain in the beloved." When she remembered this, Much-Afraid thought with a little shiver in her heart, "He will never be content until he makes me what he is determined that I ought to be." 
God does not intend us to believe we are anything but perfect in His eyes. As Much-Afraid knew, God would not be content until we are who He has determined we should be.

A bible study I attended Sunday night posed the question, "What has to happen in our lives to change our hearts?" This is what you and I need to think about now. If you feel you are not enough, I am praying for you. I am praying that you will ask God to change your life, heart, and mind. Because you, sweet friend, are amazing. You are enough and you are more than enough in the arms of our Savior. Remember He loves to use to weak to lead the strong. There are so many amazing examples in the bible of people who were not qualified for God's calling, but He called them anyways. God wants to develop relationships with us, to grow and strengthen us. Turn to Him and trust that you are enough.
You have been made complete in Christ. Colossians 2:10

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