God has been compassionately picking up each piece of shattered me that was on the ground and has been putting them in place where He wants them. Recently I wrote about discovering that I am enough. Today I want to discuss about how He's been teaching me that I am worthy.
I suppose you could almost think these two go hand in hand. In a way they do. Since I didn't feel I was enough, I also felt like I wasn't worthy of a second chance. I didn't feel I deserved the good life I missed out on. These two thoughts were the major players in making me as broken as I was. It stemmed from years of pain that I pushed into the past that resurfaced when my hopes vanished in a fleeting moment that somehow seemed to stand still. Honestly, just talking about this pain has me feeling a little 'meh' right now. But trust me when I say, He's done an amazing restoration on me.
On Easter Sunday, I had A LOT on my mind. I prayed a ton and wrote in my journal even more. So grateful I did that because I am able to see where He has been diligently working to rebuild my life. On this day I felt prompted to pray for Peace to Resistance. I didn't even know what it meant and I admitted that to God while agreeing to pray anyway. So I prayed based on what I thought it meant. I didn't even know if it was peace 'to', 'from' or 'for'?! It didn't matter. I just prayed.
I prayed for healing in relationships with family and friends. I thought perhaps the resistance was a term referred to for letting go. A peace that comes from letting go of the urge to resist His plan and take matters into my own hands. I also prayed for the Lord to show me understanding. Because really, I had not a clue what this even meant, but it sure does sound nice, right? All I knew was, if God was prompting me to it then I needed it.
The next night it was still on my mind so I googled it. Let me say, not at all what I thought it meant! (Geez, my prayers must have gave Him a chuckle!)
What I found, thanks to Wikipedia, is that 'Peace to Resistance' refers to the best part or feature of something. "It can be thought of as the portion of a creation that 'resists' orthodox or common conventions and practices, thereby making the whole of the creation unique and special."
I couldn't believe it. Here in front of my eyes God was speaking to me. He was whispering that I am worthy. I told you all how I cried feeling that I wasn't loved uniquely. This just spoke to me. Something that is a unique creation is certainly more valuable than a cookie-cutter mold, right? It's like God was telling me that I am a peace to resistance in His eyes. That His love for me is a unique and special creation because He created me to be unique and special.
The description goes on to say, "The phrase gives the sense that the referred to element is the most outstanding, notable, or defining of the collection." Most outstanding, notable ... the defining of the collection!? It just feels a little extreme. But I'm learning that's what God does. What's more noteworthy is the fact that I know He means it. Not because I am so sure of myself but because I am that sure of His love. This has nothing to do with me feeling this for my own courageous reasons (though, I wish I could say I did!) and everything to do with how He keeps showing me His love over and over.
As if that wasn't enough, it goes on to say, "The term is also used when someone is finishing something and calls the last piece to complete the build the pièce de résistance." How amazing. At this moment I truly believe He was telling me this is it. This is His work, He's the builder and He's going to give me that last piece that makes me worthy. I have prayed for Him to work in my life before moving into the next important phase of my life. I know this part is integral for my journey. This seals the deal and erases any questions. I am His and I am worthy of being loved not just by the Creator himself, but by others as well.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." - 2 Corinthians 4:7
A while back the pastor at church referred to the verse of the clay jars. He spoke about how the jars were cracked so that His light that is inside of us can shine outward for others to see.
That's how others can come to know Jesus. I loved that. That through my brokenness someone else can see Jesus. That's kind of the whole point. It's what I've spoke about here and here. That's what I've wanted out of all of this, if nothing else.
“Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.” - Ephesians 5:14
Then I heard another pastor speak of a Japanese art form and thought how beautifully it ties this all together. "When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." -Billie Mobaved. The name for this art is Kintsugi (Literally, the Art of Broken Pieces). Another translation says it is the 'Meaning of Mending'.
The process of Kintsugi welds broken pieces of ceramics back together with gold. Instead of throwing these once cherish possessions away, they are repaired with one of the worlds most precious metals. At first glance it's so bizarre - that they would fix the cracks not only with something so precious, but also something so visible. I don't know about you, but I don't like people to see all my cracks. I further more don't need others to see what's been repaired. (Although, perhaps that all went out the window the day I signed up for a blog). However, I adore that there is visible beauty in the broken with this art form.
|Photo Credits: theflyingtortoise.blogspot.com|
What's also great is these restored pieces hold more value than the original version of itself. It's been said some people break pieces intentionally so they will be worth more. Now, I can't imagine wanting to be broken just so I can be repaired, but it is amazing how we can become more valuable once we've allowed Him to put us together. Piece by piece.
Another great thought is that no two cracks are the same, therefore all pieces are put together differently. "Thereby making the whole of the creation unique and special." I love that some ceramics have a lot of repairs and others have just a few that are deeper and require more gold in places. Just like us.
I loved how this blog described it. "As a philosophy Kintsugi can be seen to have similarities to the Japanese philosophy of Wabi-Sabi, an embracing of the flawed or imperfect. Perfection being seen as the result of imperfection. The damaged or flawed being honored as an essential in enhancing an object."
Perhaps why I was broken in the first place was so God could show me how wonderful it is to let Him fix me. So that I could see that this is what makes me beautiful. To embrace my brokenness. This restoration alone makes me worthy and it's this brokenness that increases my value. Truth is, we're all broken. Whether we admit it, talk to anyone about it, or just hide it, maybe even from ourselves. We each have something that needs God's mighty hands to fix. I think knowing how wonderful His results are will leave me more humble and graciously open to accepting His help. Admitting I can't piece these broken parts back together myself. Honestly, I couldn't even find where the pieces fit if I tried (Of course, I've tried). But He knows where it all goes because He is the one who made me. He completes me and makes me the unique and special creation He intended me to be. He puts me on display and thinks I'm beautiful. He believes I am worthy of more than sitting in the ashes of my broken pieces. He not only restores me but adds value to my life at the same time.
It's important to remember that this message is not only for me. This message is for anyone who needs to hear that you are worthy of God's love. I am just His clay vessel, here to deliver the glorious light of Jesus himself. I pray this revelation will also help you come know how loved and valuable you are in the eyes of our Savior.