Well, since coming to Christ I realize that I want more purpose than that. Somewhere between self worth and a want to be important I had this strong desire to find out what my calling was. I've been searching myself and some pretty crazy dreams have manifested on my heart. Things I would not have felt competent, nevermind daring enough, to even think about in the past. Yet now I have these crazy ideas on my heart and in my head and I'm praying that at some point in my life they become more than just a dream. It's big.
Obviously, when I was trying to discover my purpose I had to consider what it is that I
I started this blog a month ago on March 22. Since then I have written 11 posts. Just tonight I surpassed 1100 pageviews. I know to some this is a daily, heck, maybe even hourly stat...but I find that absolutely amazing. I wasn't even sure if I was going to reach anyone. In a way it was more an outlet for me to speak about what I was learning. I figured maybe a few people might read it and find encouragement for tough times. I have vowed to be honest and prayed that through this blog someone may one day find hope in my journey. I know this isn't going to happen overnight and I'm kind of glad in a way. Because nothing happens overnight. Prayer takes time to develop into blessings. But I believe. I really truly do, that one day those who have been following my journey will rejoice with me on the mountaintops!
Before I had even hit 100 views I started to think maybe I was meant to share his gospel through my writing. I have never been a good writer according to academic grades but something feels so real when I am sharing my heart in these posts. [So please forgive me if my commas are in the wrong place and my sentences run on.]
I had been praying about this. I didn't ask for confirmation outright but God knows our hearts. Literally, He started talking to me on Easter Sunday and has not stopped since. I have actually numbered the pages in my journal and have been referencing back and forth whenever I find another piece of information that coincides beautifully with what He's been telling me.
Part of this discovery also meant finding my worth, discovering His love, and learning to trust again. There's a lot going on right now. I share this tidbit because the questions and answers have blended together and I don't think I could even explain it unless I typed out my journal verbatim. I hope I can organize the beauty of it all so you can see what I mean through my posts to come.
Here's a snippet of what I wrote in my journal on Easter Sunday and then what I immediately and literally opened my bible to:
"One of the things I realized today was my purpose to reach people through my writing. Maybe I'm in this darkness because someone else needs the comfort of my words in this time. Maybe He wants everyone to reach the point where they see His glory through my works."
"This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lords people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourself(s), others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" ~2 Corinthians 9:12-15
Seriously. Two weeks ago I was upset because I didn't feel special or loved individually by God. He showed up here and not only confirmed that He chooses us for specific purposes but He also reinforced my hope for this blog and so much more. This is spot on. Even at the end, "And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you." I have been so blessed these past few weeks to have heard from some of you who have said you were praying for me. This is just remarkable. I know blogging didn't exist back then but it feels like that statement was written from Paul specifically to me.
Oh, I have so much more to share but I wanted to tell you just how hooked He has me. I keep praying one day I will have more time to spend buried in the pages of His word.