Monday, March 9, 2015

Catch My Breath

What a crazy few months it's been. Really since the start of January I've been running this race just trying not to lose my breath. I feel like I need to post on so many different things, all at the same time. But I'm not going to do that. You're welcome.

What I do want to talk about is where I am. Literally and figuratively.

Literally, I finally was able to find a place. I really still can't believe it, but my move is over! I didn't move far, just 15 minutes from my last place. The move itself was unlike any other. I'm still in utter disbelief, awe, and gratitude for all the help I received. The move was the smoothest and quickest I've ever had.

My new apartment feels safe. This place feels like where I need to be right now. There were thoughts and moments where I thought I might move back to my old neck of the woods. Seeing that I can't drive through my old town without breaking down in tears told me I'm not ready at all to be there.

I thought about moving closer to my grandmother. A halfway point between my old life and my recent life. Yet, as I considered the proximity that would put me in, the likeliness for a run-in in mutual shopping centers and restaurants was almost scarier than moving directly to the source of pain itself.

I may or may not share in another post all the things that happened or didn't happen that lead me to ultimately choose where I am living now. All I can confirm is that God directed me to this safe place. A place where I can learn who I really am without the distractions of who I used to be. A place where I can be free to explore hopes and dreams that I never realized could have potential to become real life.

And this is where I am figuratively. Balancing between the person I've always known and embracing the new creation that He is making me. I can honestly say, a year ago I knew His promise was that anything in Christ is new - I embraced that thought with all I could. But now, after walking for over a year in the valley and learning to trust Him - I'm finally starting to see it.

I'm excited to share what's been happening and a little hesitant too. Giving voice to the things of the deep that have never seen light has an unknown outcome. I worry that it will change things but also I worry that not saying anything will hold me back from my potential.

Still healing from a wound that has scarred me deeply, I realize I'm standing in a whole new world, full of opportunities. So for now I teeter between the two in order to gain my footing to see just where I've landed.


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