Restoration Project - I Am Enough

A friend sent me a text message today. One that I'm sure the devil meant to stop me in my tracks. I've already struggled this morning, feeling in a funk. I don't know why I get in these moods. Something about the weather being just right, the day opening up itself to plans just so, and the chatter of others that throws me off. Everyone's seamlessly easy joy against myself grasping at straws to count the blessings in any mundane thing.

I know this is part of the reason why He is working on my heart. One of the things that I NEED to learn is that I am enough. In the past I have allowed the discredit of myself to be what I believe. It felt right after all. A broken relationship here, turned down for a job offer there, missing invitations, friends who are too busy, others who forget I needed their help or just never offered... I mean, seriously, I could go on forever. It all just made me feel like I was the problem. I wasn't enough. 

I wasn't pretty enough. Smart enough. Nice enough. Religious enough. Caring enough. Skinny enough. Talented enough. Motivated enough. Funny enough. Generous enough.

Then it moves into other things. I don't have a lot of money. I don't have the perfect family. I don't have many good friends. My house is always a mess. I talk too much. I'm too sensitive. I'm not a great cook.

I have had very few people who have stood opposed to the claims I made against myself. When I was devastated and I spoke badly about myself and listed any of these above reasons as to why I was struggling, there weren't objections. Instead there were suggestions of things that I should do better or differently. A boss said something the other day that fits so perfectly here, "They are committing with their silence." If no one spoke up against me, I figured it must be true.

But that's not true of who we are. Whether other people agree or not, should not matter. God says we are enough. He wants us to know that - it's important that we do.

I never want to be overly confident. I think that's sometimes part of what holds me back. I despised the kids in school who were too cool. The people at work who snub their noses at me as they walk by as if it say they're better. There are spots in my life, I'm not sure I'll ever be confident. But when it comes to my core being, the person that I am deep down, I know that I am enough. No one is perfect. Every relationship will require work. Everybody goes through highs and lows and just because you are with someone in a low is not a reason to give up. I know these things now. I know I am worth fighting for, because I am enough. He has shown me over and over how I am pretty enough. Smart enough. Nice enough. Religious enough. Caring enough...etc... I know He'll continue to show me.

Beth Moore shared a quote she heard from a celebrity going through divorce. They said "I'm afraid I'm going to get to the end of my life and discover I really was not worth loving."

Oh man. This gets me every time I hear it. I can relate like crazy. But we need to remember, together, that we are enough. Beth Moore goes on to say, "What would it take to believe God's word?" That's all we need to do. Believe Him. If we receive Him into our hearts and believe that His word is true then we can be transformed into believing the truth that we are enough.

The text message I received from my friend was a picture of an ex's fiance and their new baby. The first guy who told me he didn't want a relationship. But not the last guy to have done it. Over and over I've heard the same lie. Over and over I believed that it's because I was lacking some awesome girlfriend quality that guys are looking for. Assuming it could be any or all of the inadequacies that I listed above. If I can't secure myself in who I am through Christ, then this could be devastating. It's only going to keep happening. I need to be able to prepare my old broken heart as well as the most recent. Though this text did catch me completely off guard, I am not going to let it take root with my emotions. I know it won't always be that easy. There's going to be things that I hear and see that will probably bring me to my knees, I can't even bare the thought of some of those things. But for now, I'll stay off Facebook and stay onto God.

In a recent twitter chat Sara answered a question from a fan who wanted advice on an aspiring music career. Her response was,

"Be yourself and believe it's enough."

This can be applied to all of us, no matter what we are trying to do. We don't need to change the person we are to fit into what others may be looking for. If someone or something warrants you changing your core being in a negative way then it's worth it to walk away, no matter how painful. We are all enough. We just have to believe it.

I told you all in a previous post that I love the book Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. This book is amazing for figuring out this journey of life, the highs and lows, and discovering who God is through it all. I very much recommend it, I've got the entire thing bookmarked with sweet little reminders so I can easily turn to them.

"Love is beautiful, but it is also terrible - terrible in it's determination to allow nothing blemished or unworthy to remain in the beloved." When she remembered this, Much-Afraid thought with a little shiver in her heart, "He will never be content until he makes me what he is determined that I ought to be." 

God does not intend us to believe we are anything but perfect in His eyes. As Much-Afraid knew, God would not be content until we are who He has determined we should be.

A bible study I attended Sunday night posed the question, "What has to happen in our lives to change our hearts?" This is what you and I need to think about now. If you feel you are not enough, I am praying for you. I am praying that you will ask God to change your life, heart, and mind. Because you, sweet friend, are amazing. You are enough and you are more than enough in the arms of our Savior. Remember He loves to use to weak to lead the strong. There are so many amazing examples in the bible of people who were not qualified for God's calling, but He called them anyways. God wants to develop relationships with us, to grow and strengthen us. Turn to Him and trust that you are enough.

You have been made complete in Christ. Colossians 2:10

Love,
S 

Restoration Project - Overcoming Fear

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you." Ezekial 36:26

Walking in God’s promises really is life changing. There's so many aspects of my heart that have been transformed into something new and I hope to share as much of that as possible in the future. One of the struggles I have had to overcome was my intense sense of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future. Fear that screams "You're 31 and single!" - "All your friends are married and now having children!" - "When will you find the career path that's right for you?" - "When are you going to do something with your life?" Crazy, intense, fear.

It's easy to look at the way things panned out. See the mistakes I made highlighted as if made for a blooper reel that is stuck on repeat. It's even easier to believe that the things of the past have total control over what the future holds. But that was the old heart. That was before I found out the Truth.

Even though you may not realize it, God is using this pain for good. James 1:2 tells us “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds.” Because of this statement friends, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God” Romans 8:28.

You might ask how I could even rely on this as my hope? How these simple scriptures can change an outlook. If you are, then I’m glad, because this is the point I’m trying to get to. Even before I was a follower of Jesus, I always believed that everything happened for a reason. Without a doubt in my mind I could always look back and see how the pieces fit and why certain things had to happen the way they did. What my Savior has shown me is that I can also look ahead to see how the pieces will fit. He may or may not show me His plan, most of the time it will still be unknown. But we know that He works all things together for our good. We know that He’s seen our steps and already walked with us down every path before we even set out to walk.

Because of this fact we can consider it pure joy when facing our trials in this life, knowing that there is a purpose. That everything happens for a reason. Knowing that God is not only walking with us, but that he paved the way before us. He also promises that because of our pain He will bless us.

It’s in these trials He has given me this new promised heart and spirit. It hasn't been quick. Some days have been agonizingly slow and painful. Satan knows the Lord is working and so he will put any obstacle in my way to send me back to my former, comfortable self.

It is a blessing to say that I finally feel I’m over the breaking point. I wish I could give specifics that could show you just how my heart has been transformed. Having a new heart changes your attitude, it changes your reactions, it changes your thoughts, it changes your emotions, it changes your outlook, it changes your beliefs, and it changes you.

I've noticed a significant change in the way that I handle stressful situations as opposed to my old self. In the past immediately anxiety would creep up, I would be overwhelmed, panicky, and sometimes start crying because I just “couldn't deal” with it. Now when a stressful situation arises I find that more often than not I go to God first. I give it to Him and try not to think about the things in the future that I cannot control. I approach the matter with more of a sense of calm. But most importantly, I approach the situation with a hope rather than defeat. That has made all the difference in the world.

A dear friend gave me a book she owned for years and read countless times. It’s called 'Hinds Feet on High Places.' It’s about a young girl named Much-Afraid who journeys into the wilderness to ascend a mountain to the highest place where her enemies cannot harm her. She is handicapped and has relatives whose last name is Fear. She takes this journey at the promise of the Shepherd who vows to take her to the high places, to remove her lameness and give her feet like deer. This book really is incredible if you haven’t read it, I recommend it. The story outlines the journey each of us takes in our own lives [it may not sound like it would, you'll just have to trust me].

I marked off a spot in this book that I believe speaks to how we should deal with the unknown future. When I’m dealing with a situation that I think will affect the course of my life I can’t help but think of the worst case scenarios. It’s just always been what I do. When you are accustomed to bad things happening you begin to expect them. So this is a command that I've really taken to heart and tried to apply as much as possible.

“Much-Afraid, don’t ever allow yourself to begin trying to picture what it will be like. Believe me, when you get to the places which you dread you will find that they are as different as possible from what you have imagined, just as was the case when you were actually ascending the precipice. I must warn you that I see your enemies lurking among the trees ahead, and if you ever let Craven Fear begin painting a picture on the screen of your imagination, you will walk with fear and trembling and agony, where no fear is.”

What does the Shepherd mean that we will walk with fear in a place where no fear is? It means there is no fear in God. To try to predict the potential destruction of our future robs us from our trust in God and leaves us alone to worry. We cannot be both fearful and trusting in God. It just doesn't work that way. It's like oil and vinegar. They do not mix well.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7 God did not create us to have fear. This is man-made, learned behavior. Our past experiences taught us to fear the future ones. Friends and family who constantly worry helped develop our fear. Watch the news for a half hour and try not to be fearful or worrisome about something. But in God we do not have to be prisoners to fear. God has given us a spirit of power, love and self-discipline. 

Like Much-Afraid I’ve often predicted an alternative ending to how things actually happened. My imagination was always so much worse than how things turned out. Reminds me of lyrics from one of Sara's songs, "I miss the days that my mind would just rest quiet. My imagination hadn't turned on me yet." This is exactly what happens when our minds start racing. Our imaginations can literally destroy our hearts, allowing fear of the unknown to take over. Our “enemies” lurk everywhere waiting to grab hold of our earthly imagination. These enemies are not always people but can be situations, a bad diagnosis, an extremely low bank balance, talk of worldly affairs, and even someone else’s fear. We need to seek to get back to what we were born with. A mind that would just rest quiet.

I wanted to end with this well known quote from Franklin D Roosevelt's first inaugural speech;

"Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." 

Friends, this is powerful. If you've never stopped to think about this statement, do it with me now. The only thing to be fearful of is the fleshly nature to be fearful, which occurs when we take our eyes off of the Creator who is in control. This fear paralyzes us where we are. It stops us from advancing forward in our lives. It catches a hold on us and does not let us go.

This is one place that I've felt transformed. Where I've been given a “new spirit” along with my transformed heart. It is a diligent effort to not let my thoughts run wild instilling fear into my heart. How about you? If you are walking with fear, trembling and agony then it’s time to ask God for help. Let Him take away the fear. Let Him be your comforter and your restorer. Ask Him to allow your mind to just rest quiet so that you can advance into your future with hopeful expectation.

Love,
S

I Choose You

So I wanted to give a brief introduction to my blog name. The one I sought out for a while before it came to be. You see, I always knew I wanted to have a blog but I wasn't sure what it would be about. [Literally, it's been years that I've considered this. I like to talk, what can I say?] Would it be about my favorite local eateries? Would I include recipes for my favorite dishes? Should I post about the things I'm crafting? Books I'm reading? Songs I'm loving? Concerts I've been to, local happenings, favorite people...What would it be?

See, all this stuff is great...and I may from time to time share those additional things. However, after spending the past 6 months completely immersed in God's word and His promises it became pretty clear to me this is the answer I had been searching for but never asked for. Doesn't God do just that with so many things?

You see, one thing I've learned is that everything is done for God's glory. If you aren't doing it for God's glory, then you might as well quit. I'm not saying you can't do things and receive pleasure from it, joy, accolades, a sense of encouragement. But if you really want to truly be blessed by God, then I believe the best rewards will come when seeking to praise Him. So a blog was born.

"Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

                                         -1 Corinthians 10:31

Now as some of you may already know, I am a huge Sara Bareilles fan. [We are on a first name basis around here, so from this point forward I will simply refer to her as Sara]. As far as I'm concerned she is a lyrical genius. If you don't already love her then I suggest you get familiar with her. She's awesome. Anyways, I tried for days to come up with a blog title from one of her songs. The great thing about blogs on the internet is that someone could have started it in 2005 and never even posted and the blog name is still taken. Thus making it that much harder. Then in God's perfect timing Sara's newest song "I Choose You" came on. I've loved this song since the first day I heard it. If I was getting married soon this song would so be integrated into my wedding somehow, someway. [and quite possibly be even if that's years from now...please note.]

I was listening to the words of the song that I've heard countless times and I said to God, "This is really my song to you!" I had to choose God. I had to choose joy. I had to choose to allow God to have control of the parts of my life that I fear losing. Like I said in my last post, I've been at these crossroads before. But never like this. I've never been so sure of something and then lost it. This was a different ball game and I had to choose to let God in to repair what I had thought I knew how to build. He stood by for years letting me try it on my own. I believe so that when I finally turned to Him I would know just how much I needed His help. How incapable I was on my own. While listening to Sara and reflecting on these things the bridge of the song came on and it was like the angels opened up Blogger to the perfect blog title. [I kid you not, I think I heard the heavenly "Ahhh!" with harps being strung as I typed in the blog name and it said "Available!"]

"My whole heart, will be yours forever 

This is a beautiful start, of a lifelong love letter..." 

                                                -Sara [Bareilles]

Because isn't this a beautiful new start that I've been given? That's the grace of God, my friends. He is infamous for new beginnings. "Then you found me and everything changed. And I believe in something again."  [Really, this song just begs to be analyzed]

The funny thing is that God already sang this song to me. God has been loving me since before I was born. He's had each step planned out. He has his blessing planned out. He already started this lifelong love letter.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you."

                                                - John 15:16

There's so much more I could say about these scriptures. How they all tie in so perfectly with the place that I'm in right now. However, I believe there will be a time where it'll be better suited that I get into the details with you.

If you would like to check out Sara's song click here to be taken to a lyric video. Let me know what you think!

Love,
S