Wednesday, January 28, 2015

part three; these dreams, goal setting

Spare a little candle, save some light for me.

So I go head first into 2015. Into the next ten years if I have them. Perhaps understanding even more so today than I did back then just how short life is. I think of my parents, 44 and 41, when they died. What if I only have that long? I hate when people say that's not true, we had different lifestyles, they had health issues.... because the fact of the matter is that I don't have to have something wrong before I die. I could get into a car accident, I could develop a rare unknown disease, I could die in a fire. Who knows, but it's not always based on health.

Darkness on the edge, shadows where I stand.

What if I knew I only had 10 years left, just 3650 days left on my calendar? I started to think about this. I started to think about how at the end of one week it's only 3643 left. How after a month goes by it's only 3630. Suddenly the calendar is moving a lot faster than I realize. Is it worth it to sit watching tv? Scrolling on social media? All these things just filling up time. No, it's really not.

I search for the time on a watch with no hands.

I pray I have ten more years. I pray that if I get to be 44 that I can look back and know that I made my mom proud. It hurts like heck to know that at this point my mom has been gone for one-third of my life. It hurts even more to know that this fraction will only grow. I miss her like crazy and there are still days that I want to pick up the phone and call her and tell her something I heard. To hear her laugh one more time or see her smile one more time. These are the moments I want back.

Every moment I’m awake, the further I’m away.

So I want to be more intentional about how I spend my time. Choosing less time on social media and more time developing my skills. Whether I have 1 day left or 40 years, I don't want to waste it. I am ready to chase after my dreams. Chase after the things we always wished we could do and make it happen. I'm hopeful when I do things will start to change. I do it for the glory of God but knowing a part of me is carrying the heart of my mother, I do it for her, too.

Funny how your feet in dreams never touch the earth.
There’s something out there, I can’t resist.

[*lyrics, Heart, These Dreams]

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