The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I started reading Let's All Be Brave by Annie Downs. Surprisingly, it's such an easy read but I haven't finished yet. I have found myself carefully walking through each chapter in wonder and awe that just a little faith in God can have such big impact.
A few weeks ago I came home after a few amazing fall sangrias and thought to myself, "I am an adult!" I know, I know, after 13 years it's finally sinking in! I realized I had once been fun. I did things because I thought it was cool and didn't worry about answering to anyone. If I have a story to tell, it's usually something crazy. (One day I'll tell you all how I met Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, that's a good one, too.)
But then I entered a period of life where I settled. I don't say that like it's a bad thing, it was exactly what I had needed. I so needed that time of contentment. Of quiet nights and tv shows. Simple joy and laughter. Someone to open my heart up too. I needed to feel what it felt like to be in a committed relationship. Having someone else to run plans by before just doing them. It was great. But somehow in there I let my personality collapse.
I'm a mess and so are you
We've built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do...
As I was thinking on this, I realized that I want my fun back. I want it back anyway I can. And why am I living with these rules? Where did they come from? I have been giving myself these rules, and I don't even know why. I decided that if I want to eat ice cream for breakfast, I can. If I want to go out partying all night, I can. (ew, but I really don't want to.) If I want to regain my life, I can. I am not tied down. I am single and part of this season means doing things for myself. No rules, no regulations, no one to report to and no one to worry about. Truthfully, as long as I'm paying my bills and not hurting anyone I can do whatever I'd like! What a world I live in!
So at 1 in the morning on a Saturday I texted my friend and told him my plans. Maybe I just needed to confirm my authority with someone. After all, being an adult is a new concept to me, I still ask for permission first.
My first decision as a fun adult was that I was going to go to the Francesca Battistelli concert that I wanted to go to so badly. I refer to Francesca as my Sara for Christian music. Since I gave my life to Jesus last year, it was always Francesca's songs that I would hear on K-Love and think, yes, this is what I want. Her lyrics speak to the heart of the person that I am. I just adore her and have a reserved special place in my heart for her and her music. The closest she was coming was almost 3 hours away. One friend mentioned possibly coming with me but that was weeks ago and I had forgotten that I even once considered going. So I bought a ticket. ONE ticket. To a concert almost 3 hours away. Knowing I'll have to go in Monday morning asking the boss for permission (& forgiveness) to leave early.. Guess I'm still a little responsible after all.
Bring your brokenness and I'll bring mine
Cause love can heal what hurt divides
and Mercys waiting on the other side.
But I did it. I went to the concert and you know what? It was amazing. Every single part of it. The entire time I kept thinking to myself - am I really doing this? I can't believe I'm really doing this! I'm driving to a concert, by myself, 3 hours away. Woohoo! I may have even mentioned this point a few times to some strangers, I was so shocked I did it!
Don't pretend to be something that you're not.
Living life afraid of getting caught.
There is freedom found when we lay our secrets down
at the cross..
Of course, because I'm still in a season of hurt it was very reflective for me as well. But driving down backroads and highways I had never seen felt like I was hitting the pedal and never turning back around. I considered it actually. What it would look like if I just kept going. I wondered if anyone would come looking for me. If they would even be surprised that I was gone. Where would I go and who would I meet and what new world would I build up for myself?
Thankfully, I still have a small dose of common sense and a lot of exhaustion, so I did drive back home after the concert. But not before I became a total groupie and waited to meet Francesca herself. One day I'll have to tell you the story of how I got to take a selfie with her, when the authorities were saying it was against the rules.
All in all it was so amazing. To be able to feel like I still had it in me, the drive, literally and figuratively, to go where I want. This is the second concert in my life where I went alone and so far I'm 2-0 for meeting the band after the show. Woop! *Air-High-Fives Self* It felt great to reach outside of my comfort zone and do something I wanted to do just because I could. I chatted with people I wouldn't have if I went with someone else. Not because of who they were but just because if you don't have the need to reach out to a stranger why would you? But I needed too. After all, I had been driving for 3 hours with no one to talk to but God Himself! I met a couple of amazing girls, stepped out and started conversations with complete strangers, and got to meet Francesca and Sanctus Real!
If we're honest...
I know God allowed for this opportunity. I sang praises to Him there and back and thanked Him for His power in my life. Though I haven't felt it lately, I know that one day I will feel like myself again and that is thanks to God and not myself. I chose to step out and be brave because Annie made it look so cool. I chose to step out and be brave because I knew God would catch me if I fell. I have been learning to depend on Him for protection and safety and in that also comes sheer trust. I learned that being brave is kind of fun! Wait til you hear about what other brave thing happened that week...
It would change our lives
It would set us free
It's what we need to be.*
*Lyrics by: Francesca Battistelli ~ If We're Honest <3
Here's some awesome pictures from the show: :)
Here's some awesome pictures from the show: :)
|Started the day with a double rainbow... <3|
|This is the best animal crossing sign I've ever seen, they even had a legit one deep in the woods. Turtle Crossing!|
|Somewhere far away in CT this cross stood alone on top of a hill.|
|John Bauer opened up the show.|
|My 'selfie' with Francesca!|
|Set List! (Total Groupie Status? Er, Possibly..)|
|Signatures & a little painting I did!|