Friday, July 31, 2015
I've decided that August will be social media free. It's not a decision that comes easy for me. In fact, I've felt lately as if things are finally moving in the right direction - so this almost makes no sense.
Yet, there's so many things that it is distracting me from. While some days I find it to be life-giving, there are other days that it feels like I can't win amongst all the noise.
Right now I'm extremely frustrated. There's a lot of negative emotions that have crept up and are choking the life out of me. Not all of it has to do with social media, but a lot of it is spurred on or made worse by the things I see. Sometimes it's things that I don't agree with, the ways of the world, the injustices and every single opinion that gets attached. Other times it's simply too hard to see everyone else's life and feel as if maybe God forgot about me. I've unfollowed so many people who were not posting anything wrong or negative, but simply have too much of a good life. It's just too hard for me right now as I come out of this season of grief to see that my life really has been the only one on hold (so it seems) while the rest of the world continues on, dating, getting engaged, getting married, having babies, buying houses, finding new jobs, taking dream-worthy vacations, experiencing life to the fullest. All of this while I desperately try to take hold of anything I can, knowing that it's all fleeting and temporary.
In addition to the emotional aspect, I've also discovered that I spend a lot of time aimlessly scrolling all sorts of social media. It's not that this is bad, but it's not really fulfilling. I could be reading a book or watching a good movie. I feel that would be better use of my down time. Not to mention, I would have more ambition to go forward in simplifying my life. Putting routines in place to make my life less stressful.
One of the things I am learning about myself is that I am simply not great at sticking to something for more than a week or two. It's just an area I struggle. I don't know if it's because I am not a type A personality or if it's simply because I lack the motivation or experience to know how to push ahead. Sometimes I think I struggle simply because there's no one to guide me. I didn't grow up with structure. Day-to-day in my house you never knew what you were going to get. Since I never had routine, I feel like it's just something that I haven't learned how to master, yet.
Summer is here but it will be gone soon. I'm in this peculiar place where I am seeking joy but often left drained by the end of the day. I want to embrace this last month of summer. I want to feel the fresh air blowing in the wind. To see the way the sun shimmers on the water. I want to take slow walks around unexplored places. To experience a significant amount of time without all the background noise so I can truly rest. I want to read as many books as possible and slow down to summer. September always reminds me of fresh starts and new ambitions. Maybe because that's when school starts or because fall comes in with it's new crisp air that I swear makes life good again, even when your heart hurts.
In this season that is mixed with grief and new hope for me, I find myself wanting to withdraw from life for a while. At least life as I know it. As a single girl who lives alone, social media is my way of connecting with people and not feeling so isolated. But I think I need to do it for this month. I feel really called to do it. I can't explain why but for weeks I've known that come August this was going to be my quiet time where I shut down from all the news feeds. It's something I feel the Lord is calling me to do and though I'm not sure why exactly, I know that it will be good for my soul.
September holds a lot of exciting things for me, but for now, I want to enjoy the simplicity of August. I've intentionally tried not to make "too many" plans. I hope to keep it that way as the days creep closer. Filling my schedule is an area I have struggled with so I'm hoping to be able to honor the quietness that it craves.
I haven't decided yet if I will blog still. I will still have my phone on. Friends can call and text and email. (and I hope they do!) For fellow Influence friends, I'll still be over there occasionally. If I do blog, I will not be posting the updates to social media, so I ask that if you're interested that you sign up to receive my new blog posts by email. This will keep you in the loop with any of my postings and musings. :D
I'm hoping + praying that September brings new starts, new hopes, and a healed heart. I'm ready to step into that and I ask that you join me in prayer that God will heal the final pieces that need mending so I can walk into the newness He has for me.
Lots of Love.