community.

& We will sing of your goodness and mercy all of our days.

So there's a lot going on around here lately. A lot I haven't shared yet - and there are reasons for that. I would say over the course of the last six months God has been doing a mighty work in my life.

In the past few years, when my world was seemingly falling apart, I prayed for community. Not just a sense of community, but real life friends who would care as much about me as I do about them. Friends who ask questions to see into my heart and friends who share their heart with me.

It took years, but God has answered.

I've been doing some examining of my heart and realized there's a few reasons I haven't shared this good news with the world. But I also believe that as much as I can testify of how God was with me in the darkest moments of my life, so He is still with me and answering prayers when things aren't so heavy as well. Maybe it's even more important to share this news. I know without a doubt that God is with me when I'm not in a good place. There's peace, a sense of His comfort, that is not always as obvious when the sun is shinning and I'm singing Justin Timberlake in my car with the windows down.

I'm afraid if I speak out loud about what He's done, that I will somehow jinx it and this thing will be taken away. Or perhaps it won't be taken away, but it will fade away. I'll come to discover that it was never really as I thought it was. Lord knows, there have been a lot of moments in my life where I thought I had been on the receiving end of one of His promises only to find out that what I encountered was not for me to stay in. What if I speak these words and then things fall apart? Maybe it's better not to speak at all and not risk proving that once again I lost what I thought was for me.

I also feel that I haven't shared because I'm afraid to be open. When I was at my most broken, I could cry to most people and share my heart. Now that I'm actually sharing community with people that I consider my friends, it's scary to be open - because there's this sense that it could scare them away. There's obviously a deeper seeded issue in my heart that expects that people will come and go based on how well I behave or how dark my past is. What if I'm too much? What if I'm not enough? How do I become more without becoming too much?

Yet, in all of this, the greater more overpowering thought is this: God is good, always. He is for me which means that when I seek for Him to provide for me, that He is joyed to answer. All the ways this community came to be, could only be because of God's hand shaping and forming it just perfectly. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude to be able to see life take shape and begin to unfurl in His perfect timing.

So I wanted to share this little glimpse about why I've been so quiet and what's really going on in this heart. To anyone that is struggling and longing for community, I say, keep praying and don't give up. I can testify that this is a prayer that God will answer.

As I mentioned, there's so much happening lately and I can't wait to share some other good news in posts to come. Stay tuned, friends!

Xo,
Sheri

breathe

To my past self;

Thank you for not settling for anything less than God's best and for waiting on God instead. His fruit is far sweeter than what I had ever tasted and I would be missing this if you gave up hope..even worse..life. I'm so glad you didn't quit. Every day persevere. Trust. Walk in the Hope that the God of the universe has a great plan. Trust Him. Have the courage to believe in His brilliant love, that it surpasses what you could ever know.

Beautiful girl, He's not done writing your story. Far from it. This is just the beginning.

This is a beautiful start to a lifelong love letter. 

unspoken.

It comes in flashbacks lately. Small moments, little memories. They come in the most random places that are not at all related to whatever I was thinking about or what I was doing.

The moments and memories I find are mostly sad. Instances of times where my heart was aching in a space where it had to pretend it was happy. Times where it was clear that what we were, was not connected. Where I did or said things because I knew it's what he wanted and times where I didn't say anything when it meant standing up for my feelings.

I remember times where I had a burning in my chest, a incessant need to speak up about something that was eating me alive and I remember his nonchalant conversations when I did. When I opened up about something from my past that really bothered me. I remember the first time I shared with him that I was abused as a child. My delivery was awful. It was still pretty early into our relationship. It was a chilly day shifting into night and we were in his jeep with the windows up, a little drafty but the heat on high to warm us up. I remember we had just picked up our coffee from Dunkin and I broke the silence as I confessed I needed to share something that had been on my heart, though I didn't know why I had to. I guess maybe God was prompting me. I said it plainly, bluntly, nervously. But instead of a conversation, it was just a kind of thanks for the heads up. Not in those exact words. I don't remember his exact words and to be honest, there may not have been any.

Confessions never gave me peace. Instead I felt shame and guilt and this thought that maybe I should keep these things to myself. So I did. For days and weeks and months and years. YEARS of not saying, hey my heart really hurts when you do "X". YEARS of denying myself the things I really wanted to do, from something as simple as watching the Grammy's or having something specific for dinner to bigger things, like hopes and dreams for where I saw us. I folded into myself more often than not and gave away everything and then some to sustain us. I didn't see it as that at the time of course. At the time I saw it in a less educated version of dying to self - denying my own desires to meet the needs of the man who once whispered in the dark that he'd marry me one day.

And that's ultimately what I wanted. To be had and held for the rest of our lives. Safety. Comfort. Assurance. It didn't matter if my feelings sometimes hurt as long as we were together. They say girls who grow up with abusive fathers often repeat the cycle in their own lives. Maybe in a weird way I was too.

I hate all of this. Because in reflection and retrospect I see a lot of sadness and heaviness that overshadows all the joy, fun, happiness, and love that we shared. Many of my favorite memories happened with that guy by my side, usually when we were both free from work pressures and social influences. But it was a piece-meal kind of relationship. Mostly charred by my inability to communicate. Can I say it was both of our fault? Because I never felt able to open up and he just never did.

What a mess.

Walking through this next phase of my life, acceptance in place of sorrow has been moving and eye opening. For months I've been telling myself I'm ready to jump into the unknown future, but truthfully I think I'm still tippy toeing out of the past. It's like a long road trip, when you're within an hour from your house and all you want to do is be there. All you want to do is just be done with the driving.

So here I am, an hour from being where I truly want to be. Open to where the Lord will speak and facing the past with my eyes and heart open, even if it hurts like hell to do so. I want to do better and I think this is something that I've really been refined in over the past few years. It's been easier to speak out and less and less do I feel shame when I finally do. I really want to get better at this because I know that the openness gives way to true relationships. This is what my hearts desire is. To know others intimately and to be known truly. So I will approach the past as a place holder to mark how far I've come. I will look on the past not as a stumbling block but as a building block for my future. I will allow God to take me back to where I was so I can see how He's lead me through. So I can see how He took me from a land of bondage, fear and hurt and brought me on this journey that promises to reconcile all things together for good. Whether that happens on this side of heaven or not, I don't know. But I am thankful for the ability to recognize that this is in fact a journey and not a time machine where I can transport to the future in the blink of an eye. It's a process. It's my story and I'm finally starting to feel okay with that.

wait.

Wait.

: to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.
: to not do something until something else happens
: to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon

I hear the word wait and immediately grow impatient. Lately I find myself restless and not even sure exactly what I'm waiting for.
A relationship? But I don't even know if I want one anymore.
Marriage? But I don't really see myself ever sharing my life with someone again.
A new job? But I don't want to learn a new job.
To pay off my debts? It doesn't feel like that will happen anytime soon.
A new hope? What is there to hope for that I haven't already hoped for?

You see, I'm restless and conflicted. Even my emotions can't decide what I want. Part of me wants each of the things above and part of me wants nothing to do with it anymore.

So I hear over and over again the command to wait and I'm growing impatient of waiting for what I don't even know I'm waiting for.

Yet in all my tossing and turning, I read the definition of wait and I can see a little more clearly now. To stay in place until.... To not do something until.... To remain in expectation until... Perhaps, I think, I'm simply being asked to wait until something happens. To stay in place, to let God work my fate, to stop chasing, pursuing, forcing, overthinking, list making, seeking... and to just wait on God. Wait.

And in a lot of ways this lines up with what I've been praying for. A hope and a future. A means to an end. Something different. To not feel so alone. To not feel so restless. To feel content and secure. Happy. Loved. Sought after. Chosen.

So again I'll look up and again I'll walk through my typical rotation of days. I don't need to worry because the Lord of the universe, who sets all things into motion, is working all things out for my good. He is doing it. Not me. I don't have to do a thing. He knows what I need before I know myself and I can rest assured that He's on it. So until it is my turn to do something, I will be over here waiting and I will wait by simply enjoying my life and not dwelling on the "when is this" and "what if this" scenarios. I will embrace my days whether they be full or empty and I will see God's loving hand in it all because His eye is on the sparrow so I know He watches me.

thirty three.

Sunday was my birthday (hooray, cake!).

I thought it would be fitting to share a little insight. A little encouragement for a weary soul that's tired of holding onto hope that feels like the things you desire most will never come to pass.

A year ago I really didn't want to be alive anymore. I couldn't see how things would get better. I knew I needed to trust God but it was so incredibly hard to trust the One I believed had the power to have changed things, but didn't do it. I couldn't imagine my life being so radically changed as it would be and I couldn't imagine how any of that would be good. Better yet, fulfilling.

Nothing really ever happens overnight. If it does, I'd challenge that it's slowly been coming to pass for a while, but to the naked eye it looks instantaneous.

In God's beautiful timing He has revealed a new greater plan and purpose to me. It's not anything that sends me overseas on mission fields. It's nothing that has me selling all my possessions and moving into a tiny home. It's nothing that would seem to be life changing at all. But it is.

To anyone who is struggling, I just want to say to keep holding onto hope. To believe in the unbelievable and to expect the unexpected (in a good way, don't be a narcissist like I was with this saying ;) ). God is always in the impossible. I could give you examples from the bible, the Holy Word of God and I could give you real life examples as well. If you're desperate and searching for encouragement in seeing God's greater plan I suggest reading Laurie Shorts, Finding Faith in the Dark. I loved it so much and found so much of God in the way she weaves all these real life stories of struggle together and always for a better and greater purpose. Don't we always wish it was that easy to see God at work?

But life isn't that way. We don't get the manuscript before we live it and so we have to walk by faith and not by sight. We have to set our eyes on Jesus and trust that we can step into the uncharted waters and be held up safe in Him.

This past year my life has changed so much. I've begun to make new friends and become a part of a local community of beautiful people. I've begun to believe in myself and find so much greatness in the others around me as well. I can say that God has healed my heart, not because of any great revelation and certainly not because of anything I did on my own. But because I woke up a few days ago and didn't think about it anymore. The day that held so many memories for me, and I woke up and did my thing, thinking about my future and my hopes and goals and never once did I think about "what I would have been doing" until almost lunch time. And even then it was more just a "hmm, that's funny I didn't even think about that" versus an "I'm so sad that I'm missing that" way.

In the past year God has shown me more of who I am. My identity that is rooted in Christ and not in man. I would have never truly learned this, if I had not been separated from the one I loved the most. After I wrote these words I came across this quote by Elisabeth Elliot in "The Path to Loneliness"

"I began to go deeper into the lesson of college days - that of finding satisfaction in Christ, apart from the man I hungered for. That was a gift I could not have received in any context other than the loneliness of being single. Now that Jim was dead, I had to repeat the lesson. It was more difficult this time, for there was no hope of my having him."

As I read these words I shook my head in total agreement of what Elisabeth says. Like her, I never would have find myself outside of simply being alone. Since God is always after what is absolute best for us, I have no doubt that these growing pains and the glory thereafter outweigh that joy of granting my prayers.

So instead I've learned that there's so much more to life. So many dreams to dream and so many good moments ahead. I've experienced true joy while standing in the middle of grief. I've been able to not only return to the girl I used to be, but also become a much better version of myself than I ever was before. No longer do I allow myself to get tossed around by other peoples plans. Now I have my own! I make decisions, I set goals, I work hard to make my dreams come to life. Life is much deeper and more beautiful than ever before.

So I say, keep trusting God. A year ago today my world was absolutely crushed. I was a hot mess express on the fast track to doom and gloom. I didn't change by any power or strength on my own. But slowly, day by day, God encouraged me and showed me glimpses of His love. I wasn't always aware of it. I didn't always press in to Him. I still have so far to go to continue becoming an amazing version of the Sheri Hooton I know God intends me to be. But I feel so radically different. I feel so changed. Full of hope and joy and great love that I want to share and pour out to others.

I'm not focusing on the number or the fact that I'm still single and now at an embarrassingly old age for marriage. Instead, I'm focusing on God. That He loves me and has a perfect plan for me. I don't feel whatever "33" is supposed to feel like anyways. When I look back now I simply can't imagine how ridiculous it would have been to have been married to the guy I loved. Just because I so wasn't me and apparently, he wasn't himself either. Yeah, it still upsets me but God's grace is so powerful that it can even wash this messy past clean. I'm made new, I have a new heart, a new perspective and 2016 is going to be a year unlike any others. I'm sure of it. I know it'll have it's hard times, absolutely no doubt about that - but I know God is working in my life. I will sing Mary's song and say "For the Mighty One has done great things for me. Holy is His name." Join in singing with me!

The Year in Review: 2015

It's so easy to look back in a moment of weakness and see nothing good through the fog. My memory is so fickle. So I'm calling to mind all the great from this past year (and the hard because I can see where the great has or is emerging). It's been really truly incredible to see how much God has moved in my life.

This is very non-traditional in it's layout and writing but it serves the purpose! I hope to continue with this tradition each year to create a place to reflect on all years past as I get older (God willing).

January
- New Years Word of the Year: Trust
- New Years Resolution: Sell a piece of my art by the end of the year. Go to the Influence Conference.
- Attended the Return to Rest Retreat. This was so good for my soul. Something that terrified me but has been a turning point in how I would be able to open up and socialize with new friends throughout the rest of the year. Plus it was beautiful. So, so beautiful.

February
- Desperately searching for a new place to move. Deciding if I can trust God with my finances.

March
- Moved back out on my own. The help that came through left me speechless. I've never had such a quick or easy move. Literally everything was done by 1:30 and I was laying on my mattress thinking about how God brought all these people into my need to lift the burden. Beyond grateful.
- Emotions about being alone were a mix of sad, stressful, sorrowful but exciting and new too. This little town is a new-to-me town. Exploring it has been so lovely.
- Took a calligraphy class with Laura Hooper in Boston!

April
- Hard, sad, tough but so sure of God's presence.
- Started the Dave Ramsey, Financial Peace University.
- Another successful SENE Film festival! Each year just gets better and better!

May
- Started going to a new church in Providence again after attending this church during Advent season in December. They scare me. They are amazing and creative and young and super hipster. They are everything I love about community and everything I desire and it terrifies me.
- Kat Graham visted our office and we got to meet her!
- Attended my oldest nephews first ever baseball game! Can you say Proud Auntie?!

June
- Spent the night in Boston with my friend after attending the Ingrid Michaelson concert!
- Kayaking with the Rhode Explorers girls!
- Spent a lot of time outdoors, walking - reading in the sun - by the pool (my apartment has a pool!! what, what?!) - exploring Providence
- First ever Federal Hill Stroll! (SO MUCH FUN!)
- Providence night out with my friend, Waterfire, Providence's first ever International Arts Festival, and Block Party! We even got to check out the only rooftop bar in Providence!

July
- Went exploring local and new to me parks, felt like a road trip!
- Drove THROUGH a rainbow! (it was soooo cool!)
- Got to watch my sister say yes to her dress!!
- Explored a new-to-me beach side town (Watch Hill, RI), by myself. It was amazing + incredible and felt a lot like being on vacation. I ate an ice cream cone on the beach in the dark listening to the waves. It was awesome.
- Beach Pond, RI on a boat with a few of my favorite guys.

August
- Took the month off of social media. It was hard, gratifying, peaceful.
- Got to see Sara Bareilles musically composed Waitress. (spoiler alert: it was amazing and Jessie Mueller is incredible)
- Started reaching out and meeting friends at church. A beginning of something so beautiful.
- Spent most of the month indoors because it was so hot out and I didn't feel well at all. Increasingly more sick and in pain.

September
- Attended the last Influence Net Conference. Met so many online friends in real life. Hugged them. Met a few new great friends. Hugged them too.
- Finally, finally gave my heart over to Jesus. (not to say I haven't picked it back up a few times, especially lately). First time I've ever felt so sure of His plan for me and my trust in Him. (hello word of 2015 coming to life).
- Travelling by myself. (So much fun!) Drove from Indy to Chicago (I love rental cars!). I always say I'm going to do these fun road trip type things and something always gets in the way. Is it fear? But I did it and then I got to spend a week exploring the city and spending time with my brother and sister in law.
- God prevented me from getting sick this entire week and a half. I was so thankful for that! Knowing now what was making me sick, I definitely wasn't following the right eating regimen to prevent the pain. It was all God.
- This is the first month I start to feel like I can talk about my past, even though I'm holding back tears, I no longer think my life is over because of what happened. Now I see new opportunities, endeavors, and a brand new beautiful plan.

October
- Finally had an appointment with a GI doctor, after literally a year of stomach pain. Pain that has increased and become more and more severe and frequent. Pain so bad that it would wake me in the middle of the night and keep me up in excruciating pain. There were many tears. Towards the end I was throwing up from the pain. Dizzy. This sickness has caused me to miss so many days of work this past year.
- Trip to Florida with the rents. Got to spend time with lots of family + went parasailing for the first time ever! It was such a blast!! Also, I kinda saw a dolphin and saw rainbows almost every single day. Some really gorgeous ones!

November
- Joined with the doctors who created Proactive to start my own Rodan and Fields business.
- God moved quick. I had an ultra sound on 11/5 which confirmed I had a large gallstone stuck in the neck of my gallbladder. On 11/13, thanks to a cancelled appointment - I met with the surgeon for a consult. On 11/20, thanks to another cancelled appointment (all God), I had surgery to remove my gallbladder. In God's also perfect timing it was the week before Thanksgiving which spared me a few days of PTO that I didn't have for recovery.
- A few amazing friends really came through and helped me. Supported me. Loved me. When I needed them the most. My heart has never been so broken for what I don't have because it's never been so clear just how alone I am. People who should have been there, really weren't. But then again, people I didn't want to have to help me, showed up anyways and their love and support meant the world to me. I literally could not have done it without them. Recovery was hard. The first few days I couldn't even stand up on my own without severe pain. I was throwing up from all the pain medicine (and probably from the anesthesia). Apparently during surgery one of my incisions didn't want to stop bleeding. Just knowing this fact is so scary!! All the unknown that could have happened. After surgery while in the hospital my heart rate kept dropping every time I fell asleep. Those days were no joke and whoever said it was easy, they lied. I also can't believe this is considered one of the easiest surgeries. Sign me up on the list to never need another surgery in my life. Thanks! Gods grace, mercy, love, compassion definitely carried me through all of this!!!
- I became Auntie to another little nephew, my brothers little guy, I cant wait to meet him! <3

December
- For the most part, my stomach pain is gone. I still get occasional pain there but it could just be part of the healing process.
- On a whim felt the urge + desire to jump head first into selling my art. So one night at 9pm, I announced a 12 day art giveaway + sale. I remembered my desire to sell at least one piece of art by the end of 2015. So far I've sold 6 pieces and given away 12! I'm learning so much, it's growing me and challenging me and showing me just how much hard work can pay off.


BOOKS:
(I finished, I won't list the ones I started but never finished.)
- Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers
- Scary Close, Donald Miller
- Freefall to Fly, Rebekah Lyons
- Finding Faith in the Dark, Laurie Short
- Let's All Be Brave, Annie Downs
- Wilderness Skills for Women, Marian Jordan
- The Best Yes, Lysa Terkeurst
- When the Darkness Will Not Lift, John Piper
- The Selection, the Elite and The One, Kiera Cass

BIBLE STUDIES: (Started quite a few but did not finish, see ADD with books, same deal.)
- Power of God's Names, Tony Evans

TV SHOWS:
- Parenthood
- Gilmore Girls
- Friends
- Once upon a time

CONCERTS:
- Ingrid Michaelson
- Mat Kearney
- Ed Sheeran (guest; Chris Martin from Coldplay!)
- Lord Huron
- Big Daddy Weave, Jason Gray, Citizens Way
- Howie Day

PLAYS:
- Waitress in Boston
- Newsies at PPAC
- White Christmas at PPAC

Classes:
- Financial Peace University
- Laura Hooper Calligraphy
- Business classes with Whitney English (and team leader Amanda)
- How to make the most of your single life with Stephanie May Wilson
- Aromatherapy Mask Sewing Class with Mikala Cash
- Container Gardening with the Rhode Explorers.
- Makeup How To with the Rhode Explorers.
- Many influence net classes!

Trips:
- NH (return to rest)
- Miami (art deco fair!)
- Indy (Influence Conference)
- Chicago (Andrew + Sara)
- Ft Meyers, FL (with the rents)

Other great things worth noting:
- Ingrid Michaelson concert and spent the night in Boston with a friend.
- Ingrid liked our photo on insta!
- Mat Kearney concert that rocked. the. house.
- Oh yeah, and Mat liked my heartbreak dreamers photo on Insta.
- Church started a women's bible study! YAY!!
- First ever real Christmas Tree as an adult, woop!
- Winter photoshoot with John Pitocco!
- Quiet walks in the many snow filled nights we had this year
- Painted my largest project to date for Refuge Church!
- Watched the sunrise in Miami
- Met Charity Dawson (from Waitress)
- Chicago Cubs game
- Federal Hill Stroll
- Nantasket Beach
- Busch Gardens
- Brookfield Zoo

I don't dare list any of this in a particular order, but simply as they come to mind. I'm sure I'm forgetting to include something so obvious in this list. 2015 was a beautiful mix or hard and fulfilling and standing at the end of the year I can see so much of how God has been healing my heart. I will be posting more in a separate post, but thank God for His mercies that are never ending and Thank God that He provides us all with the chance to live life abundantly. There was no shortage of abundance in my 2015, that's for sure.

in the darkness

In the light of the holidays it can feel isolating to be covered in darkness. But it's not only this time of year that it's difficult to breathe under the weight of happiness and good news all around. Engagements, marriages, babies, new jobs, new houses - it can feel like a merry-go-round. The merry that goes round and round but never stops where you're standing long enough for you to get on the ride for yourself. When everyone else's happy invades your hurt and it's painful to just be.

I've spent a lot of time mesmerized by scriptures about light and darkness. To me it has always felt like a black and white scenario. One or the other. Darkness and light cannot coexist. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Separate entities.

But then something happened that opened my eyes. A scripture that I've read dozens of times jumped off the pages into my heart and God spoke to me. The first chapter of the entire bible, in the book of Genesis, brought a new understanding into my heart. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the spirit of God was hovering over the waters. This had me nodding my head in the parallels of my life to the creation of the world. The earth was formless and empty. Another version says it was formless and void. I sure feel that way a lot lately. Darkness was over the surface of the deep. That's where it's been lingering in my life. Not on the small day to day things, but the deep matters of my life. That's where darkness has resided. What blew me away? God hovers over the waters. When the earth was first made there was nothing deeper than the water. It was all water - God does not separate the water from land and sky until the next few days. So when I stop and really try to picture that it just blows my mind away. That on a formless and empty deep darkness, God hovered over. Covering the darkness with Himself. God of Light covered the darkness. In the beginning light covered darkness. Knowing God is immutable and never changing tells me that He still covers the darkness today. He will do this until the end of time. Does that bring you joy like it does for me?

The scripture then continues with it's awe-filled self, And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness. Did you catch that? Because I never did before. But this time, it practically held me down asking for my attention. First God made light. Then He saw that it was good. Then after these things He separated the light from the darkness. Before God separated the two, they co-existed. Light and dark. Together. Mixed up. Which is how they are in my life. Not as one or the other, but together. As if the light is Gods grace for the tough days. I praise Him for every little glimmer. Every text, email or phone call. Every song as a reminder. Each smile from a stranger or hug from a friend. The light that mixes in with my darkness. I think of when I'm baking and I mix all the dry ingredients together and separating them would be impossible. But God does the impossible. He separates two entities that once were one and gives us the two so that we can use it as a tool to measure day from night, seasons, signs, and years.

And, God said, 'Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light to the earth.' And it was so. God made two great lights - the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light to the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good.

God never says that darkness is bad. But He does go to great extremes to make sure we always have a good light in the darkness. Whether it's the moon or the stars. There's always a small glimmer of light twinkling out from behind the curtain of darkness. Do you know what is the greatest part about all of this? Even on the stormiest nights, we can be sure that behind the clouds the stars are still shining and the moon is still bright. It's all about our perception. God is the same way. Even on our darkest nights, when the walls are closing in and there doesn't appear to be one good thing going right and the world feels like it's falling apart one frayed thread at a time, God is still there over it all. Even when we can't see Him. Just as certain as we can be that the stars and moon and even the sun are still there, so we can think of God. God gave the light to govern the day and the night. The storms come and they linger often times longer than we expected and longer than we like. But above it all is a Greater Light still.

In the book of Isaiah, it talks about God's mercies for Israel and foretells of the coming Messiah. The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the Lord binds up the bruises of His people and heals the wounds He inflicted. I keep holding fast to this promise. One day this darkness will seem like a distant memory. One day the blessings will be so great that everything will be brighter. I long for that day.

Here, in the beginning of the world, begins a foretelling of the story of the coming Messiah. The one who truly governs day and night. The one who will cast out all our darkness, sorrows, heartache and pain. Light, born in the darkness and then set apart. Born into the dark, yucky places where we lay down. The place where we fall to our knees in utter disbelief that a world could be so cold, that hearts could be so cruel and goodness is sometimes hard to find. The place where we throw up our hands and surrender to God's plan because we are out of ideas and out on our own. The place where isolation unexpectedly meets a Savior. In the darkest, most unusual place, a King was born. A light shined in the darkness and the darkness comprehended it not. He did not come in through a spot light. He wasn't featured on the news for 72 hours while the world awaited His arrival. No one had televisions on in their workplace awaiting the first sight of this newborn baby. Many didn't even know He was coming, not at this exact time. He just sneaks in under the radar.

This weekend my friend gave me a Christmas gift. She handmade me a nativity set. The timing of it couldn't have been more perfect. The night before I cried out and literally felt the hope sink down in me as I desperately sought to sit at the feet of the nativity at a local church only to discover the lights had been turned out. My friend gave me this gift and I unwrapped each member of the nativity set. Once everyone was positioned in their place she turned off all the lights. I wasn't sure what she was going to do and then she flipped a switch and all the stars lit up in the nativity! This is exactly how God works. He comes to us on a dark quiet night so that we can see how great His light really is. Those who have walked in darkness have seen a great light.

Last weekend there was a meteor shower. On my way home as I was crying and praying to God I saw a star fall right out of the sky in front of me. As a sign to mark a sacred time... For a time such as this. This darkness is sacred, an opportunity to see God do His biggest work but darkness does not come to stay. Even when it lingers I can be sure that God is hovering over it all and at just the right moment He will separate the darkness from the light and I will be able to see everything so clearly in the light of day. In the coming of Christmas, this is my advent. This is my hope, peace, joy and love. The advent that lasts all year. The assurance that I have a Savior who has been sent to be a light for me and for all those with broken hearts. To all those who find themselves crying out for hope. Desperately clinging on to each new sliver of light as if it might be the only portion they have for a while. One day our clouds will break and the sun will shine bright. Then we will sing praise for The Mighty Lord has done great things for us. Even before we see it, let's rejoice. Because we are not a hopeless people. We have hope. We have a Savior who came into this world to be our light in the darkest seasons of our life.