Wait.
: to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.
: to not do something until something else happens
: to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon
I hear the word wait and immediately grow impatient. Lately I find myself restless and not even sure exactly what I'm waiting for.
A relationship? But I don't even know if I want one anymore.
Marriage? But I don't really see myself ever sharing my life with someone again.
A new job? But I don't want to learn a new job.
To pay off my debts? It doesn't feel like that will happen anytime soon.
A new hope? What is there to hope for that I haven't already hoped for?
You see, I'm restless and conflicted. Even my emotions can't decide what I want. Part of me wants each of the things above and part of me wants nothing to do with it anymore.
So I hear over and over again the command to wait and I'm growing impatient of waiting for what I don't even know I'm waiting for.
Yet in all my tossing and turning, I read the definition of wait and I can see a little more clearly now. To stay in place until.... To not do something until.... To remain in expectation until... Perhaps, I think, I'm simply being asked to wait until something happens. To stay in place, to let God work my fate, to stop chasing, pursuing, forcing, overthinking, list making, seeking... and to just wait on God. Wait.
And in a lot of ways this lines up with what I've been praying for. A hope and a future. A means to an end. Something different. To not feel so alone. To not feel so restless. To feel content and secure. Happy. Loved. Sought after. Chosen.
So again I'll look up and again I'll walk through my typical rotation of days. I don't need to worry because the Lord of the universe, who sets all things into motion, is working all things out for my good. He is doing it. Not me. I don't have to do a thing. He knows what I need before I know myself and I can rest assured that He's on it. So until it is my turn to do something, I will be over here waiting and I will wait by simply enjoying my life and not dwelling on the "when is this" and "what if this" scenarios. I will embrace my days whether they be full or empty and I will see God's loving hand in it all because His eye is on the sparrow so I know He watches me.
